Request BTTXNeko! Reader ~For Sale~

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Hetalia Reader Insert
Revised: 4-7-2013
Characters: Prussia (Gilbert), Spain (Antonio), France (Francis) - Human names used!  
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    For Sale: Neko with (e/c) eyes and (h/c) hair; with matching tail and ears!  Priced to move! Call 867-5309
     
      Gilbert read the ad again, dancing around the room.  He had finally found a neko for a reasonable price.
Heck, when he called they wanted to pay him to take her from them!  These people were even going to bring her over to her new home.  

      Neko pets have always been around.  People used them for everything and anything, from maids to wives.  But these cute creatures were quite the pricey item to get.  

Once he had seen the loud and obnoxious American and quiet and see-threw Canadian had one; he wanted one.  No needed one!
Since Ludwig and he were having a little fight - well it had been more than a little fight - there had been a lot of swearing, punching, and beer throwing.  So once Ludwig cooled down maybe he could go back.  But when he did, he'd have a new 'pet' in toe.  

      "This is going to be so awesome!"  He announced to the small yellow ball of feathers on his head, or affectionately known as Gilbird.  He chirped what sounded like a complaint at his owner.  "Don't worry, Gilbird! You’re still the most awesome pet ever!"

      He looked around the shared living room, finding a comfortable spot on the couch to wait for his new 'friend' to arrive.  To say the Prussian was on pins and needle with excitement was an understatement.

      "I wonder what Toni and Francis will say?"  He questioned the empty room, grabbing at the remote on the coffee table in front of the couch.  "They'll probably wouldn’t mind," he shrugged. "And plus why wouldn’t they want a maid too?  Or whatever we use her for." he grinned at the TV at the thought that clouded his mind.

Why would you bother to ask the two people that had kindly let you stay at their house?  

      DING DONG!

      He almost jumped through the ceiling at the doorbell startling him.  But he quickly realized what was behind that door; the neko!  

She was here and he could hardly wait.  Dashing to the door, he smoothed out the front of his black button shirt to look half way presentable, so her old owners won't think of him some kind of slob.

Pulling the door open all the way he first saw the car speed away down the tight suburban street and squeal its tire around a curve.  His ruby red eyes looked back to the girl that stood with her arms crossed her chest and serious looking pout on her face.  

      "Guten Morgen!" Gilbert smiled, "mien name is Gilbert; your new owner!"  

              You scoffed and rolled your eyes. "Whatever."

You grabbed your bag off the steps and swung it across your shoulder.  

You weren’t dressed like a maid, which was little disappointing to Gilbert.  
Jeans, a blue hoodie, and sneakers.  Your (h/c) tail swinging back and forth as you pushed past your new 'owner' and into the living room.  Your ears twitched as you looked over at the pictures on the tables of the three men and tsked.  "There are three of you?"  

      "Ja," he nodded.  She's got an attitude, he mentally groaned, she could at least be thankful someone as awesome as me bought her! "What is your name, Fräulein?"

      "(f/n)," you said and turned back and watched him closely.  "You’re German?"  You raised an eyebrow. "I've never worked for Germans before."  

You hoped that this wouldn't be as bad as the last place.  But then again, could it get any worse?  The last house you worked at was a frat house.  You’d beat the snot out of so many drunk and horny freshmen that your knuckles were still sore.  

      "Prussian, actually." he smirked at his proclamation. "My Bruder is German."

      "And these two," you motioned back to a frame picture of the three on the table, waving and smiling to the camera.

      "The blond is French and the other is Spanish," he gave a matter-of-fact nod, "but none as awesome as me."

      "I bet," you mumbled. "Where are they?"

      "They will be back soon," he start to 'examine' his new 'toy.'  Very nice!  Go me! I get a good looking neko for a fraction of the cost.  Where could this go wrong?

      "Hello?"  You waved your hand in front of the space cadet Prussian. "Are we home?"

      "What?" He looked down, confused to say the least. "Ja."

      "I asked, if you can show me to my room?"  You held her bag closer.  
You wouldn’t admit it, but you were a little worried about being at yet another house.  This would make number eight or is this nine?  
I've got to make a good impression or I'll up on the street...or worse.  Once again you gave yourself the mental pep talk you had at the last how-many-ever houses.  

You didn't mean to claw up the furniture.  The leather under your nails and the sound it made was paradise to your ears.  And all the glasses and dishes you broke.  Maybe cats were graceful creatures that could walk a tight rope - but not you.  You could trip in an empty room and break a window by just looking at it.  And so you liked cat nip!  It wasn't illegal for crying out loud!  And the people that had other pets like hamsters, mice, and birds.  Well, you never meant to 'hurt' them, sometimes you just got carried away.  

      "A room?"  Gilbert questioned himself.  He hadn't thought that far, and he had the only spare bedroom.  And that was just the basement, or as he called it 'the lair'.  "Well, you may sleep with the awesome me!"  

Your eye began to twitch at the thoughts that ran threw your mind:   Another creepy perv; lucky me!  Why does this bloke keep using 'awesome'?  Is it like his catchphrase or something?  Maybe it's a nervous twitch?  And I bet he didn't ever realize that I was going to need a bedroom or a place to stay.  So he is far from the brightest light bulb in the box.

      "Let me show you," he motioned towards a hallway and you reluctantly followed him, keeping the bag in front of you for protection.  
You didn't know this guy from Adam.  And there had been that crazy psycho going around making people into cupcakes in the next town over - maybe this was him!  But he didn't look like that much of a baker.  

But then again Ted Bundy didn't look like a serial killer either.   Your mind raced with all the crazy thoughts over this albino baking you into a cupcake with little cat ears on top.  

"I've gotta lay off the catnip," you mumbled, knowing your imagination was running wild.

      "Here," Gilbert stood in front of white door, pushing it open to a set of stairs.  You gulped at the set of stairs that lead to a dark mass. "To the lair."

      Yup, I'm dead!  No sane person would have their room in a basement and affectionately call it a 'lair'. You were half right.  

      "Are you kidding me? I am not going down there with you!"  You pushed yourself against the far wall.  "This how people get killed!"  

      "Are you crazy?  I'm not going to kill you!  I paid good money for you, (f/n)."  He rolled his eyes and pulled the string hanging from a light above the stairs.  The light cast a glow onto the bed in a corner you could see.  

      "Well," you relaxed your shoulders. "How do I know you aren't going to torture me?"

      "I've got a crop...but that whole another story!" he wildly cackled.  "I can show you, if you like?"

      "A crop?" you shook your head.  "Y-you go first."  In case you are some crazy killer cupcake maker, then I can hit you in the back of the head and might have a fighting chance!  You proudly laughed in your head.  

      "So you can knock me out in case I try to kill you?" He chuckled again, starting down the stairs. "That’s a good plan.  Just watch your head on the last step."

      He can read my mind!

      "And no, I can't read your mind (f/n).  Your just very predictable," He waited at the bottom of the stairs and motioned for you to come on down.  

      You placed one foot in front of the other and finally made it to the bottom.  You glanced around and didn't see anything that seemed like torture equipment.  
There was a bed with black and white fluffy blankets that messily sat in the corner.  A giant black and white flag with an eagle hung above the bed.  Piles and piles of clothes scattered around the floor.  And a large flat screen TV with a few game systems hooked up to it.  

On the opposite side of ‘the lair’ was a washer and dryer, with some large cardboard boxes sitting around.  The words Christmas and some other foreign words scribbled on the sides.  It didn't look like the basement of a serial killer.  

      "I was half expecting a basement from 'Silence of the Lambs', you giggled nervously.

      "No way!" He tossed himself on the bed, causing the thing to groan, he fixed himself and reached into a mini fridge next to it grabbing a beer.  "That’s at Ivan's house!" He gave another hearty laugh and smiled patting the side of his bed.  "Come here, kitty!" a toothy smiled showed bight from the Prussian.

      "Er...no..." you shook your head dropping your bag.

      "You need to cool down!"  He started to shake the beer can in his hand.  "And I've got a great idea how."

      "You better not even think about it!" You tapped her foot and glared.  

      Like a bullet, Gilbert was off the bed and took his aim.  And before you knew it, you were covered in a foamy and sloppy mess a hops and barley.  

      "Are we better?" He smirked, sipping what was left in the can.

      A deep growl came from your chest as you wiped what beer you could from your face.  "I can't believe you!  Is that any way to treat your new...new..."  

You bite your bottom lip.  If there was thing you didn't and wouldn't refer to yourself as, it was a 'pet.'
Maybe others didn't think of a neko as anymore that a commodity to be bought and sold, but you didn't.  You had hopes and dreams.  And you didn't sit back and look like a prize or status for the person who wanted or felt the need to own you.
 
      "I was just playing," Gilbert sighed. "Why don't you go take a shower and then we can try again, ja?  Let me show you to the bathroom."

      You nodded grabbing your bag. "I can find it myself!" You stormed up the stairs, slamming the basement/lair door closed.  Rocking a few pictures on the walls.  "Stupid German!"

      "Last door on the left!"  Gilbert's voice rang up the stairs and threw the closed door.  "And it's Prussian!"
     
     ~El Toro~

You flipped the top on the body wash.  

"Smells girly enough," you scoffed, pouring a generous helping on the washcloth. "Must be the Frenchman's stuff."  Splashing some of the shampoo into your hand, you started to work it into your hair.  You kept your eyes closed as you started to hum a familiar tune.

      You turned off the water and sighed, turning to meet a pair of dark green eyes staring at you.

      "You used my soap, si?"  The person in front of you asked.  "It's fine."

      Your mouth hung agape as you felt paralyzed at the dark skinned man grinned at you, holding a towel out.  
      "You'll catch a cold," he shook the fluffy pink towel at you.  "My name is Antonio."

      The moment had finally caught up to you as you let out a shirk of terror. You hooked on the shower curtain, taking it down with you.  Catching yourself up in the plastic transparent material, you froze again as panic over took you.  

      "Chica," he smiled and helped unwrap you. "Maybe you cannot do that again?"  He finished ‘helping’ and handed the towel over.  "The last thing I wanted to do was scare you."  

      "(f/n)!"

The bathroom door was flung open as the panting Gilbert looked at the scene in front of him.  "Are you okay?"  He cocked his head to the side, watching you wrapping the towel around your still damp body.  "And what happened to the shower curtain?"

      "I'm fine," you sighed, rubbing the side of your face you had smacked the tiled floor.  "H-he startled me."

      Antonio began to laugh and pointed at your tail.  You glanced back at the puffiness of your poor tail.  "Looks like I did more than just startled you!"
      Hissing at them both, you raised your hand ready to slap them both.  "Get out so I can get dressed, you weirdos!"
     
     ~Strawberry~
     
      "Gilbert?"  You peered out the door you hung on for dear life.  Afraid of what surprises might be waiting for you out here.

If a grinning Spaniard could just show up in the bathroom, who knew what or who would be in the hallway.

      You carefully opened the door the whole way and looked to the end of the empty hallway.  Just a table with some bright red roses and some colorful pictures on the wall.  

No Gilbert.  No Antonio.  

      Glancing around the corner of the wall into the living room, showed no one.  This could possibly be a good thing or a very bad thing.  

      "I must be alone," you sighed happily.  "Time to investigate."  You were on the prowl to the kitchen.  You whistled at the sight before you, it looked like five-star kitchen and super clean.  Then the sliver chrome fridge caught your eye.  It had been a long ride here and you were hungry.  
      "Look at all this!"  You grinned. "I can put up with ten of those guys for a spread like this!"

You pulled on a bottle of soda and shoved a fresh strawberry into your mouth.  Pulling threw drawers and looking into all the containers, you started to pile your hands full.  

Turning, you placed your new treasurers on the counter, and went back for more.  Noticing the shiny can of whip cream in the back, you reached deep in. "Gotcha ya!"  

You yanked the can out, grabbing a few more strawberries.  You ripped the lid off and started to do the only logical thing at that moment.  Tilting your head back and filling your mouth full of the heavenly whip cream.  

      "Bonjour," a voice smoothly cooed behind you.

      You turned, taking a bite of a strawberry.  The look on the blonde’s face caused you to go beyond red.  Wiping the bit of strawberry juice from your chin, you tried to smile.  

      "Can I ask who you are?  Not that I don't enjoy you eating my food," he grinned warmly.  "But maybe we can put that whip cream to better use, non?"

      You looked down at the can, still in hand; tossing it back into the fridge and fiercely shook your head.  

      "I take that a no then?"  He pouted.  "But if you don't mind, your name?"

      "(f/n)," you gulped.  Where in the heck is that stupid German...I mean Prussian?

      "A beautiful name for a beautiful flower," he yanked a rose out of thin air, handing it to you.  "But this rose has nothing on you, my dear."

      Where the heck did he get that?
You took the flower from his hand and sniffed it.  No one had ever given you a flower.  

      "(f/n)!  There you are!"  Gilbert popped his head into the kitchen. "I've been looking every for you!"

      "This charming chat is yours?"  The blond asked.

      "Ja, I just bought her!"  Gilbert proudly smiled.   "This is Francis, (f/n)."

      "Hi," you stuck your hand out, "nice to meet you."

      Taking it, he kissed the back of your hand.  "The pleasure is all mine   or could be yours." He smoothly cooed and winked.
     
     ~Yellowbirds on my shoulder~
     
      Your tail swung back and forth as you watched the small yellow bird dozing on the perch in Gilbert's bedroom.  Gilbert, after some heavy convincing from you, had taken the couch.  Just until he could find you a bed of your own.  

      You reached your hand out, swatting at the bird.  He fell to the floor, looking as if he had just been run over by a train.  Stumbling to his tiny feet, it fluttered into the air, peeping at you, what could only be bird obscenities.  

      "Come here," you purred. "I just wanna play."

      He took off up the stairs, beating his wings as hard as he could to get away from this crazy cat.  If only he could have voiced his opinion to his owner.  But he wouldn't listen anyway.  
      You followed close behind him, knowing his stubby little wings couldn't take him that far.  Deciding you would give him a fair head start.  

      Gilbert laid on the couch watching some show with overly tanned thirty something year olds, acting like teenagers.  

      "Gilbird?"  The Prussian asked, as his little friend landed in his silver hair and nested down, taking in a few deep breathes.  

Looking over to the hallway he saw you standing with the look of the hunt in your (e/c) eyes.  

You licked your lips and jumped over the back of the sofa.  The Prussian groaned as you landed hard on his chest, scrambled to grab at the bird that flew high into the air.  "(f/n)!  Stop!"

      You were much too busy to hear what the albino was yelling about.  And having his face smashed into a couch cushion wasn't helping too.  

It would have been a dream come true having a neko crawling all over him.  But using your crawls to try to steady yourself to grab at his awesome little friend was far from a dream.  Another knee to the ribs as you slipped down.  

      "I just want to play birdie!"  Purring out the words as leaned on the back of the couch.  

      "You need to..." Gilbert was kicked in the Prussian Jewels and rolled off the couch and to the floor.  "You've gotta save yourself, Gilbird." he groaned, rolling in pain.  
     
     ~O' the Land~
     
      "Why don't you go outside and see what Toni is up?"   Gilbert huffed, stroking the head of his pet bird.  

      You looked down at your feet and nodded.  And outside you crept.  There, Antonio sat strumming his guitar on one of the benches outside.

      "Hello, Toni!" you grinned best you could.  

You had felt bad about trying to 'attack' Gilbird.  You weren't going to hurt him, just play a little.  But you couldn't convince Gilbert otherwise.  "What are you doing?"  

      "Singing to the tomatoes," he smiled, moving over so you could join him in the vegetable garden. "Plants grow better when you sing to them."

      You plopped yourself down on the bench, enjoying the sun warming the back of your ears.  

      "When Spanish eyes are smiling,” Toni played a few cords on the guitar that rested comfortably in his lap.  "Sure, they steal your heart away."

      "Isn't that supposed to be Irish?"  you giggled.

      "But us Spanish boys have the best smiles, si?"  He moved his hand to your head and scratched behind your ears.  

      Purring and nudging your head a bit closer was all you could do.  This moment was pure ecstasy for you.  

You sniffed the air; it was sweet with sun ripe tomatoes, fresh cut grass, and Toni's wonderful smell.  But something else invaded your nostrils.    You pulled away and looked for what could possibly be making that smell.

      "What is it?"  Toni asked, going back to his song.  

      "Intruder!"  You hissed, spying a large tomcat walking through the tomatoes plants.  You hopped off the bench and stormed up to the black and white feline setting in the plants.  "Go away!"  You howled loudly.

      "Chica!" Toni laughed.  "It’s fine!  You don't need too..."

      Before Toni could finish his sentence the tomcat swatted at you and dashed through the plants.  You were hot on his trail, trampling the poor defense tomatoes, zucchini, and carrots in your way.  

Toni grimaced as he watched his hard work being destroyed in a matter of seconds.  The large tomcat jumped the wooden fence, hissing loudly as he disappeared out of sight.
You looked back, feeling overly victorious.  But soon saw the path of destruction you had left in your protection of the trio's house.  

      "Toni," you started to beg for forgiveness.

      "Chica, why don't you do in a see if Francis needs any help with dinner?"  Toni kneed in front of the tomato plants that almost begged to be put out of their misery.  
     
     ~Flat Quiche~
     
      "Do you need any help?"  You asked, leaning in the back door.  

      Francis looked up from the bowl he was currently stirring.  A small bit of flour covered his cheek, but he smiled none the less.

      "Of course," he motioned over.  "You can be my sous-chef."

      "Then what would you like me to do?"  

      "Just stir these onions and peppers for the quiche," he stood in front of the oven, turning it on low heat.  

      "I can do that," you laughed.  You took the spatula from Francis and slowly started to stir the browning vegetables in the pan. Finally I've found something I can help with!

      POOF!

      "Francis!  It's on fire!"  You squealed, dropping the spatula on to the floor.  

      The Frenchman grabbed the pan and tossed it in the sink.  He groaned. "Just like Angleterre."

      "I'm sorry Francis," you gushed. "I don't know what happened!"

      "It's fine," he motioned you away with his hand.  "Why don't you go and see if Gilly needs any help or something?"  He grabbed a few more onions and peppers from the counter and began to cut them. "I'll call you for dinner."

      Hanging your head low, you sulked back down to the ‘lair’ to avoid them at all cost.  More trouble than your worth ran threw your mind.  
     
     ~Hide and Seek~
     
      "(f/n)!" the three sang in unison.

      "Come here!"  Gilbert called loudly.

      You hide under the bed of Antonio's room.  

You had been here a week already and wanted to run away.  

In their hand, but to be more precise Francis’s, was an outfit.  

A skimpy black maid outfit with matching hat.  

     
     Flashback to early that day

      You had been sitting and watching TV, eating whatever you could carry back to the couch as the three were out doing whatever they did.
You hadn't had the courage to ask to go and nor were you invited.  And you had done your best to not get in their ways after the quiche, tomato, and Gilbird incident.

      Then without warning the three busted threw the door, looking like they were up to something.  

      "We got you a gift!" Toni grinned.  
You had noticed that seemed to be the M.O of the Spanish one.  Smiles, giggles, and a super bubbly personality.

      "Oui," Francis yanked out a cutesy little black dress on a hanger.  

      Gilbert held out a pair of black stilettos with thigh high stockings. "Let's try them on, ja?"

      You shook your head, turning back towards the TV. "Not a chance in hell." you said threw a mouthful of potato chips. "You wouldn't catch me dead in that."
      "If it's the dress...you could just wear the heels and stockings," Gilbert flashed another smile, walking closer to you. "Let me help you put them on."

      "Don't touch me!" You squealed, dashing from the couch.  
     
     ~Back to you under the bed~

      They had grown awfully quiet.  Then the door opened to Toni's room and you watched the three pairs of shoes moved around.  This was worse than a horror movie!  

      "She's got to be in here," Toni sat on his bed.

      "Look,” Francis chuckled.

      A sharp yank on your tail caused you to hiss in surprise, rolling from under the bed.  They laughed, standing above you.  

      "We won!"  Gilbert laughed sharply.  "Hold her up so we can change her!"

      Without warning Toni had his arms wrapped around you, pinning you back.  Spitting and hissing, you raised a bare foot up and kicked Gilbert hard in the knee.  He fell to the ground, muttering something in German at you.  You thrashing around caused your head to smack Toni right in the nose, earning your freedom.  Francis dropped the dress and shoes, trying to catch you.  

You ran quickly from the bedroom and down the stairs, right out the front door.  
     
     ~Later after a very long walk~

      It was getting dark and cold.  And a neko walking around at night was a good way to end up in the place one wouldn't want.  Plus not having a pair of shoes on your feet wasn't helping matters either.

      They're pissed at me.  you told herself. I didn't mean to hurt them.  But they shouldn't play so rough.

      "Maybe I can sneak in the back door,” you said, placing an ear against the door, listening for something.  

      "It was a horrible idea!"  Francis yelled loudly at the other two.  

      The pit of your stomach ached.  You knew were this was going.  

      "Si,” Toni chimed in.  "(f/n) seems a little on edge."

      "When she gets back, then I'll deal with her." Gilbert sighed, "Maybe it was a bad idea.  But I'll be moving her soon."

      "Deal? Moving?"  Your eyes began to tear at their statements.  

And now you were going to have the same thing happen to you that always happened.  They were going to sell you or just give you way.  Nobody wanted trouble like her.  But the last thing you wanted was to end up somewhere worse.  

Granted the three were a little pervy, but it could always be worse.  You crept around to the front door and quietly snuck in and the upstairs to Toni's room.
     
     ~Please Maid Me~

      "I'm sorry," you stood in front of them in the doorway of the kitchen, hanging your head down in defense.  

You had changed into the outfit and stilettos.  "I'll wear whatever you want me too!"  You howled.  "Just don't send me away again!  I've been sold so many times...and I like it here!"

      "Send you away?"  Gilbert chuckled.

      "We had no intention too," Francis snickered.

      "Si," Toni said around the rag that he held up to his still sore nose.  

      "You weren't going to send me away?"  You looked up and used the back of your hand to wipe the tears away. "But I heard you say you were going to deal with me and it was a bad idea.  And moving me."

      "Ja," Gilbert nodded. "To try to dress you up."

      "So you aren't going to get rid of me?"  You perked up, twitching your ears.  "Even if I killed your tomatoes?  And ruined your quiche?  And Gilbird?"  

      They all shook their heads.

      "What about moving me?"  You tilted her head to the side.

      "Moving you back to my Bruder's house," the albino smiled.

      "Then I didn't have to wear this?"  Looking down at the extremely short skirt, you yanked the little frilly head piece off your head, ringing it in your hands.  

      "Non," Francis smirked.  "But you can if you like."

      "Gilbert!"  A stronger voice called from the living room and a heavy set of footsteps pounded to the kitchen.  "Are you ready to go?"  A slicked back blond German stood next to you.  Glancing down at you, his cheeks dusted a light red, seeing you in the short outfit.  "I see you've got yourself a maid Francis.  Good for you."

      "She isn't mine," Francis shook his head.

      "Antonio?"

      "Nope," Toni grinned, leaning back in the chair.

      "Gilbert?"  Ludwig raised an eyebrow.  

      "Ja?"  Gilbert smiled. "Won’t it be great!?"

      You smiled wide at the two Germans.  Well, one German and a Prussian, maybe things were going to be okay.  

      "You like dogs?  Right, (f/n)?"  Gilbert questioned, tossing an arm around your shoulder.

      "Dogs?"  you huffed.  "What do you think Schwachkopf?"  You rolled your eyes, pulling away from his grasp.

      "I like her already," Ludwig nodded.  

      Yup, things where defiantly looking up.